Let It Go & Move On

Exactly three months ago, my relationship ended. 

It has been three months. It's not a very long period, it's not short either. 

I have COMPLETELY let go of this relationship, I think. 

I don't know how I did it. I just did. I used to think that I might take forever to let go of this relationship as I have loved so hard, so deep for this person. However I did it in a shorter time I thought I need. 

A friend told me, "You are so strong! How can you did that?"

I seriously got no idea. 

I realize I let him go, when I don't think about him anymore. When I am in sorrow or joy, he's no longer the person that comes to my mind first anymore. 

I realize I let him go, when I don't feel anything when I saw his name pop-up in my notifications bar. 

I realize I let him go, when I don't feel pain when I talk about him. 

I realize I let him go, when his title changed from "my boyfriend" to "my ex". 

If you ask me how, here are my ways of moving on: 

1. Spend more time on yourself & Focus on other things instead of thinking about him/her.  

* I am learning Gu Zheng 古筝 (I have just started a year, FYI). So I spend more time to practice. When I feel bad, I go practice. It actually works to calm my mind everytime I play it. 

* Read. I read novel, I read a lot. I can sit there whole day just reading. Don't be surprised, I love reading since high school and people thought I am the outgoing girl who don't spend time reading.

* Watch drama. Find some series to watch. Watch some heart breaking Korean dramas and cry your heart out if you want. You can find the situation same as yours and cry until your tears dried out, then you will not cry anymore. lol. 

2. Go out & Know new people. 

Go out with friends, don't stuck yourself at house and keep thinking about the memories. Get out and know new people. I don't mean to ask you to know someone and get into a new relationship (you can if you want but it's not a good idea). Know someone new, you'll find something interesting out there. Expand your circle, your life is not just around one person. 

3. Talk about it until it doesn't hurt anymore. 

Some people will feel it's not comfortable to tell people about all your heartbreaks stories. Then perhaps you can find someone you trust and talk to him/her all about it. First time you talk about it, you might cry, you might feel very pain about it. Talk about it for the second, third or forth time, you can still cry. Talk and cry until you don't feel the pain anymore. When it doesn't hurt anymore, I think you are okay already. 

4. Travel. 

If your financial allows, go for a trip, near or far. Go for a trip, calm your mind. Have fun and enjoy the trip. The world out there have so many things for you to explore, don't waste your time ponder over your ex and your failed relationship. 

Sunflower Sea @ Hokkaido. 

I don't know if it works for everyone but that's the way I moved on... I guess. You might think that, yes la, talk of course easy, it's not easy to do it. I couldn't say I don't agree with it, I used to say that too. But when you finally did it, you'll feel, it's really that easy to let it go and move on. 

My Gu Zheng teacher was telling me this the other day: I thought you are the kind of people who would give up easily, I never thought you'll keep learning until now. Turns out you are really good, you are potential. You will be really great if you spend more time on practicing. & you let things go fast, you wouldn't keep it in your heart and sad over it for very long time. 

I'm flattered, it's a very big compliment for me. I don't know why people always think I am the kind who will give up easily. Perhaps because I am petite and I looked like a overly protected girl. But hey, I am stronger than you think I am! :) You'll be amazed by how capable I can be, don't underestimate me ;) 

Till then, 

xx

❄

Goodbye, My Love.

It has been more than 10 months since I last write. The last time I wrote, I broke up. 

Then we got back together. This time, I am here again, because I broke up, AGAIN. 

It has been two months since I ended my relationship, I finally able to write about it now. 

I finally let go. Yes, it's time to let this toxic relationship go for good. 

"Aiya, you guys always on and off one la. Sure get back together one later." 

People have been telling me this when I told them I broke up again. This time, I prove to everyone, no more. It's really the end. 

Time heals everything, people said. 

I didn't believe it at first, I was in so much pain I thought I will never be okay again. My world collapsed, I collapsed when I finally realize we are never going back to each other anymore. I thought it's the end of the world, the end of MY WORLD. I was wrong. 

TIME HEALS EVERYTHING. 

Time heals all the pain I felt, all the angers I have in me towards the person. 

& now, I don't have much feelings anymore. Even when I received a message from him, even I talk about him, I don't feel anything anymore. 

People around me are happy that I am finally letting go this relationship. Yes, I knew how much they don't support this relationship. My family, my friends, all the people who care about me. I think they are really happy that I am awake now. 

I'm sorry for making you guys worry about me, I am fine now. :) 

Thank you for staying by my side through all these. 

I think, I am really letting go. It's not that hard as I thought. 

I can still live on my own. I can still live my life happily even without him. He is not the only happiness in my life. I have my family and friends by my side, who will always bring me happiness. 

There are so many good things in life waiting for me and I am going to experience that one by one. 

Let bygones be bygones. 

我若不坚强，谁替我勇敢。

该过去的，都过去了。

再见了，我两年的爱情。

谢谢你，出现在我的青春里。

教会我那些关于爱情的事。

Till then, 

xx

❄

To the one who loves too much.

"It's okay to love too much. 

It's okay."

Love, is a very magical thing. 

You met someone, you started having feelings, you fell in love, and you cannot fall out of love. 

Your heart breaks, you tried to fix, you get tired, and finally you gave up. 

Until you met someone else again, and the cycle repeat again until you finally found someone who will walk through the end with you. 

It hurts, when you love too much and the other half isn't. 

You just keep trying and trying, hoping that one day he/she will finally realize and appreciate your love. 

Some are lucky when the love started being appreciated, some are not. 

When the love is not appreciated, and the person foresee all the things you have did for him/her. 

It hurts. 

It hurts as fuck!

I know how bad it feels but I also know how good it feels when he/she show a little bit of appreciation. 

A simple "I Love You" could mean so so much to someone who love you unconditionally, so why not say it just to make someone feels better? Why do you want to be so selfish?

But of course, mean it when you said it. 

In this century, saying "I Love You" seems to be so easy yet people still believe in such words. 

Okay, I know what I just write might be contradicting, but still action speaks louder than words. 

DO SOMETHING to show your love, to show your appreciation. 

A smile, a hug, is also a sign of showing your love and care.

Not everyone is materialistic, people who love you, just need your love and care. 

That's all we asked for. 

It's not hard, yet it's not easy to do it. 

All we need, is for our love to be appreciated. 

To the one who loves too much. 

It's okay. 

It's okay to love with all your heart. 

It's okay to do everything for the one you love. 

It's okay to love even when no one understands you. 

It's okay to love even it's not appreciated. 

You'll be hurt, you'll cry over it again and again. 

You'll have endless sleepless night thinking about it. 

But it's okay, your love will be appreciated by someone who worth it. 

Even if it takes time, even you will have to go through heart breaks.  

To the one who loves too much. 

Remember, you did not do anything wrong for loving too much. 

You just love too much, because you know how to appreciate. 

Someday, someone will appreciate you and love you the way you deserve, just like how you love him/her. 

不曾相見亦無可戀，

不曾相知亦無可思，

不曾相伴亦無可離，

不曾相惜亦無可憶，

不曾相愛亦無可棄，

不曾相對亦無可隨，

相見，不如不見.

I was watching Scarlet Heart and I came across this poet. It's just so beautiful yet so heart breaking. 

Scarlet Heart was okay but China version is so much better! 

Must watch! 

Till then, 

xx

❄

《六弄咖啡馆》：远距离恋爱

几年前经由朋友介绍，读了这本小说。当时把小说看完后，哭的稀里哗啦。

几年后得知即将开拍电影·，好期待。等了那么久，上个星期终于去看了电影，还是哭的稀里哗啦。 

然后再重新把小说看了一篇，还是大爱这本小说，这部电影。虽然电影有些差评，可是我不是电影达人，我纯粹是喜欢剧情，喜欢那个故事。只能说，我很喜欢 很喜欢 很喜欢。（重要的事情要说三遍!!!)

我是一个很感性的人。我看电影会哭，看电视剧会哭，连看小说也会哭。

我很爱哭，我承认。 

故事大纲我不必解释，看预告片就知道了。

当电影播放到放烟火的时候，我当时在想，不可能结局是那么平静美好的，在我的印象中，结局很悲哀。结果，如我所料，结局很悲哀。我还是哭了。电影结束，回家的路上，我的情绪久久无法平复。我不懂为什么，可能我真的太容易哭了。或者说，我太理解那种感受了。 

『爱情不会因为距离而脆弱，人才会』

人有时候真的很脆弱，脆弱的自己想象不到。可是，能有多少个人能够承认自己的脆弱？我承认我脆弱，可是在一次又一次的熬过了一段难熬的时间后，我都会跟自己说，"原来我比想象中坚强。" 或者我没经历过小绿那样的伤痛，失去了心蕊，失去了母亲的痛。我在想，如果那个人是我，或许我也会选择跟小绿一样的结局。我没经历过，我不懂我可以有多坚强。 

曾经谈过一场不算恋爱的远距离恋爱。却在4个月后，分手了。我提出的分手。

为什么是不算恋爱的恋爱？因为我们在距离展开后才开始的恋爱。从没有体会过真正的恋爱。没牵过手，没拥抱过，没有看电影吃饭的约会。只有每天晚上的Skype。当时网路并不盛行，没有智能手机，长途电话太贵了。唯一能相处的时间只剩下每天晚上隔着电脑荧幕的视频聊天。倒霉的时候，网路不好，只能够靠Facebook Messenger聊天。能够维持4个月，还有之前暧昧时的另外4个月。算很不错了，对我这个那么没安全感，那么需要陪伴的人来说。哈哈。 

我深深地体会到这句话：人才会因为距离很脆弱。只因我是那个人。

『我与你同在』 小绿

『你不在』 心蕊

很多人会觉得心蕊这样对小绿说很残忍。但这却是铁一般的事实。

女生其实很希望当她有事的时候男友会在他身边陪着她。但是她明白到距离的关系，他不能第一时间赶到。很多时候，其实蛮难受的。

心蕊被打枪钱包，小绿感到的时候已经过了几天。那时候的心蕊只是需要小绿静静的陪着她，可是小绿不明白。或是心蕊当时告诉小绿她的想法结局就会不一样了，可是她没有。就这样，把距离又拉远了一点点。

我记得有一次，我刚到槟城念书。晚上和朋友出去逛街夜了，人生路不熟的我们，搭错了巴士，去到了一个不认识的地方，重新搭过巴士。结果久久等不到巴士，赶不及回家跟他聊天，唯有传简讯给他跟他说。过了很久，他的一个女生朋友（在马来西亚的）打电话来问我还好吗，说他很担心。当时确实有点感动，感受得到他的担心。可是，当时我最需要的是很想他可以出现在我面前，带我回家。 

『你不在』，对我来说，是这样的。或许对心蕊来说，还有他们之间的想法的差距。 心蕊在为未来打算，她想要小绿陪她去西雅图，一起去成长，但是小绿不明白。他们之间的距离，又拉远了一点点。 

『人長大了，就會改變；而你..好像忘了長大了。』

『如果我們今天一起成長，結果就會不一樣吧。』

『我們之間的距離，從來就不是三百六十公里的差距。

而是我和你，個性、思想上的差距。』李心蕊说。

『拉不近的遠距離，解不開的未知數。』

我很庆幸，我跟他现在是好朋友。在分开后的几个月里，他有找我。而我却狠下心来，让他放下我。分开的原因不是因为我遇见了另一个人，只是单纯的因为彼此在忙碌着各自的大学生活，联络少了，感情淡了。好几次想要告诉他，我不开心想要他陪我聊天，可是他总忙着去打工。过后，想想都已经那么少时间联络了，就不要浪费时间去不开心吧。结果，这样就拉开我们的距离了。 

我们不是分隔台北和高雄，而是台湾和马来西亚。当时只是学生的我们，存钱买飞机票根本就是很难的事情。所以，根本连见面的机会都没有。

在别人写的影评里，看到了这句话，用在我身上，很贴切：

『說好聽點，或許是出於被一個自己不愛的人所愛而產生的罪惡感，但實際上，或許只是厭惡自己竟不愛那麼一個愛自己的人並為此感到彆扭。』

渐渐的他不找我了，在我最后说了一些狠话后，他几乎把我所有的联络方式都删了。大概过了两年，他联络回我了，他交了新的女朋友。我很替他开心，同时很内疚我当初那样对他。 我曾经还很小心眼的以为他加我Facebook是为了报复，向我炫耀他有女朋友了。哈哈。我真的太小气了。结果人家根本就没有啦。然后我们聊天的时候，我一直跟他说我对他很愧疚，每次想起他都很内疚，他都说不用再内疚了，他理解也从来没怪我。在这些对话重复了N次后，我终于把这份内疚放下了。

『喜歡是一種能力，被喜歡是一種天賦。 

被喜歡是一件很幸福的事，只是結果往往不如預期』

我不明白我有什么天赋，能让一个人喜欢那么久，还要那么那么的喜欢。可是，我想说现在想起来，觉得我很幸福。 谢谢你，曾经那么的喜欢我。很感恩，你现在会是我的好朋友。

我经不起远距离恋爱。我太需要安全感了，需要一个时时刻刻陪在我身边的人。
所以，我不会再谈远距离恋爱了。因为真的很难熬。 

我很羡慕小绿跟阿智的友情。阿智真的对小绿很好。帮他完成了他的心愿。读着小绿写给阿智的遗书，我哭了。真的很心酸。人，其实真的很脆弱。 

我在想，现实生活中，我会有哪一个朋友在我死後依然義無反顧地替我完成心願呢？

『人生，為什麼那麼難？』

「六弄人生：

人生，像走在一條小巷中，每一弄都可能是另一個出口，也可能是一條死胡同。

生在一個與一般人不同的家庭中，是我人生的第一弄；

愛上了妳，是我人生的第二弄；

註定般的三百六十公里，是我人生的第三弄；

失去了妳，是我人生的第四弄；

母親的逝去，是我人生的第五弄；

在這五弄裡，我看不見所謂的出口，出現在我面前的，盡是死胡同。

該是結束的時候了，該是說再見的時候了，

再見，世界，是我人生的第六弄。」

Till then, 

xx

❄

Princess Turned 22.

"I don't know about you, but I'm feelin' 22. Everything will be alright if you keep me next to you." 

I bet everyone who are turning 22 this year will probably post this lyrics from the song 22 by Taylor Swift. Good job Tay. I planned on writing this as my Instagram caption too, but I didn't in the end cause I saw a friend posted it just one week before mine. 

I officially turned 22 on 5th July 2016. 

Unlike previous years, I have all my girlfriends to have a dinner and celebrated with me. This year is slightly different, no girlfriends-dinner as everyone is apart from each other. However, I spent the day with boyfriend. Thanks BB ❤

Kae Xin brought me for an advanced birthday dinner @ Maiale Japanese Italian Restaurant. 

Thanks Bae ❤ 

*Kae Xin's Appreciation Post* 

We've known each other for less than 2 years but we clicked so well with each other & we shared the same middle name. Haha. Thank you for being here with me all these while. Through thick and thin. Listening to all my problems and share my happiness. I don't know will our friendship fade away someday in the future but I hope it lasts as long as it can. Love you bae ❤

Hopefully we can make one of our Two-Pairs-Trip or Girls-Trip success! 

Highly recommended Maiale Japanese Italian Restaurant for Candle-Light Dinner with your partner or girlfriends. It served reasonable and affordable price for fine dining in Ipoh. The food and environment is good. Tiramisu dessert is a must to order, I can say it's the best in town! 

Last year BB brought me to KL on my birthday but without anything. By anything I mean cake, card, present or flower.... I literally complaint for the whole year and I reminded him for N times 1 month before my birthday this year. Demanding girlfriend, I know, 'cause I am the princess. Haha. 

To be honest, even though I have reminded him for N times, I never expect much cause I know him. Lol. Well, he successfully surprised me when he appeared in my house's living room with a bouquet of flower before the time we were supposed to meet. Okay, I thought that's all was his surprised and I was wrong until we got back to his house. He prepared cake too! 

It's really out of my expectation thou. 

Thanks for everything that you did BB. Love you to the moon and back ❤❤❤

Blessed birthday to have you by my side ❤

Growing Up in My 20s 

If you have known me for a very long time, you know I have had a dramatic life and still my life is very dramatic. Last year, I said that I have changed a lot and yes, I am still growing up & realizing a lot of things that I (perhaps) should've know earlier. 

The amount of friends is not equal to the quality of friends. I don't have my phone and Facebook sending me notifications of people sending me birthday wishes. I have friends who I expected them to remember my birthday and actually they forgot as well as friends who don't expect them to wish me sending me birthday messages. I appreciate everyone who wished me, thank you. :) 

This is life. 

I learnt who is my true friends who will really be there for me when I needed them. I understand that people have their own things to deal with, & can't be there for me all the time. To me, priority matters too. If you're important to me, no matter what am I doing, if you need me and the situation allows, I am just one call away. 

I don't force things anymore. Things that doesn't work out, I won't try anymore. It's tiring to keep trying when there's no return. If it's meant to be, it will be. I might be selfish to say this way but I have to. I know it's my fault for not listening to other's advice and push people who care about me away. I understand so I don't deserve the love and care from these people anymore. It's the life I've chosen. 

Do I regret? Yes, sometimes I do regret and missed those good ol' times. But I chose this, so I have to bare with it. We can't go back to how we used to be anymore, things changed, no matter what you did, it will never go back. You & I, are not the people we used to know anymore. 

We don't share the same life, the same circle anymore; we don't create new memory together anymore. We are living our life, on our own, since then. Our life is parallel since then, I can never see a crossing point in near future. 

Life goes on. 

People come and go, no one will be in your life forever. Friends are temporary, but feeling & memories stay forever. Just appreciate people who are with you now before they are gone. 

Happy 22nd Birthday To Me. 

#PrincessTurned22

Till then, 

xx

❄

A Letter To The Ex-Friends

Lately been reading so many posts of letters to the ex-friends. It brought me so much memories and thoughts that made me feel like writing this post.

There have been so many people came and left in my life. I used to feel so bad whenever someone leave my life. I will feel so sad and I can't get over it for so so so long time, months or years. But now, I finally understand the fact that, no one will actually stay in your life forever. By forever I mean until the day I die. 

Dear Ex-Friends, 

We don't talk to each other anymore or not so often, but I am glad that we were once so close to each other. I am very annoying kind of people, I will talk about the same thing over and over again until I finally get over it. Thank you for listening to all my annoying stories. Thank you for listening to me crying over the same thing again and again. 

Most of all, thank you for all the happy memories. Thank you for all the awesome time spent together. You have been a big part in my life. 

I was scrolling back at the pictures in my laptop while I was trying to tidied up the files inside. So so so many pictures with so many different people. (I am seriously good at keeping pictures. Trust me, I even have pictures taken during secondary school.) & Facebook memories made me looked back at so many little things that I have forgot. Then, I realized, I've lost so many people along the way. 

Some people, I understand that we no longer keep in touch because of the distance, the people we mix around - our circle is not the same anymore. Some we are still friends in Facebook, some is not. Perhaps, our fate is just until there. I am glad we met thou. :)  

Some people, perhaps it's just me that didn't put enough effort to keep the friendship. Look at how far we’ve come since those younger carefree days. The real question is, how did we end up here? How did we go from being best friends to practically strangers?

If you have know me long enough, you will know that I will always run away from the problems. I wouldn't dare to face it and all I know is cry. If I ever confront you what's wrong between us, congratulations you are really very important to me. If I have tried once, and it still didn't work out, then I guess that's all I can do. I am not brave enough to do it the second time. I am not strong like you think I am, I am not. 

Some people might think that I have changed. I don't cry so much over things anymore. I seem like I don't care about the friendship, the people anymore. Maybe you are right, I've changed, to become stronger. I've learnt not to show my weakness to others, don't cry in front of people anymore. I have to not care about so much things so I wouldn't feel so bad everything when things happened. I just want to live my live happily. Because I know I can no one will always be there to catch me if I am not strong enough. Because I've grown up, I know how the society looks like. 

Actually not. I still care, I just don't show it. Whenever I saw pictures of you going out together and I am not invited, I feel so sad deep inside. Thinking, why things turn out to be like this? I should be in the picture smiling & laughing with all of you, but I am left here shedding tears in my blanket. I swallow up and tell myself it's okay. Let it go. However, some days when I feel really bad, I will tell my boyf about it and cry in his arms. 

I read this from Facebook, and it just match with my feelings: 

Now your life is foreign to me. I no longer know what’s going on in it, and I wish things were different. But life happened. We drifted apart without really realizing, and now the gap may be just too big to bridge. Given the chance, I’d love to have you back in my life; I miss being around you. Unfortunately, we’re both so busy and living such different lives, that I don’t know if this is a reality anymore.

I want you to know that I am still here for you. It does not matter how much time and distance is between us or how much further apart we may drift, I will always be here for you. If you need me, I’m never more than a phone call away. I once considered you one of my closest friends, and that still means something to me. Life may have separated us, but I still care about you more than you may know. If the day ever comes that you find yourself struggling, I hope you reach out to me. You will always matter to me, no matter where life takes us.

I hope wherever you are in your life, you’re happy. I look at your Facebook photos and your Snapchat videos and hear stories from other friends, and I can tell you are doing amazing things with your life and being the person you were born to be. I hope you’re proud of everything you’ve accomplished so far, because I know I am. Even though our lives don’t overlap anymore, I’m sure you’ve had your share of struggles and successes. You've made tough choices and did what you had to do and you should be proud of everything you’ve done with your life.

To all the friends I have lost along the way, this is me saying goodbye.
I sincerely hope that, we can go back to how we used to be.

Till then, 

xx 

❄

Choices in Life.

Life is all about choices. 

Good or Bad; Right or Wrong; 

Your destiny will unfold according to the choices you make. 

We make choices everyday. The moment you wake up from sleep, you choose to open your eyes and start the day, or not? Then you choose what to wear, what to eat, how to go to work, etc etc. So many choices you have to make it in day. 

So yea, life is all about choices. 

I have just made one of the important decision in my life. To stay or to leave from the first job in my life? (Not really my very first job in life, cause I've been working part time since I was 15. This is the first real job after I stepped into the society after college.) 

Without much thoughts, I have made my decision. 

. 

. 

.

LEAVE

 From the first month I joined the company, I left once. Perhaps because I am a fresh grads, & fresh grads always get bullied. I felt hard, people are pointing me for the mistake I've done. I felt so helpless, they criticize you for the mistake you've done but never help you. I trusted people easily, they promised won't tell anyone but when you turned around, people are talking about you. 

On the first month, I always went home crying, telling my boyf and family how much I hated this place and the people here. That time, they told me, just leave if you don't want to work here, but you have to understand the society is like this. If you got no income, I will take care of you (said both daddy and boyf) *blessed princess 

However, I stayed after the colleague convinced me. I can't say this is the worst decision I have ever made thou. To be honest, sometimes I really enjoyed working here with some really supportive colleagues. I've learnt a lot I can say, gained new experience. But what I have learnt most, the society, the people is so much more scarier than people in college. & yea, I still experienced some stupid high school drama here. 

Are you okay? Are you happy? Are you sad?

.

.

. 

I am okay, I am happy, I am not sad actually. 

I am really happy that I finally decided to leave. So do my family and my boyf, even my friends clap for me knowing I have finally made the decision. 

I don't know am I sad, but I went home and cried in my boyf's arms. 

I don't know why, I just feel so 委屈 and I burst into tears in front of him. But I was so tough when I told my friends about it. I didn't even shed a tear in front of others. Maybe boyf is right, I just want him to pamper, sayang me. 

Thank you this company, I have learnt a lot throughout the 7 months here. 

I don't regret my decision thou. This is gonna be one of the best decision I have made in my life. 

I made my choice and I won't regret it. 

✡ ✡ ✡

"这里是你的小暖窝, 要哭就回来这里哭."

"不管发生什么事情 我都会在你身边" 

不管听多少次，这都是最感动的一句话. 每一次听都会掉眼泪. :') 

感恩有你 ♥

Till then, 

xx 

❄

When is your happiest // saddest moment?

Had a talk with friend today. About past and all the things that I have gone through. Things that have made me grow up so much lately. & there, she asked me one question: When is your happiest moment? When is your saddest moment? 

This just got me into thinking, & I decided to write this post. (because I find it is so meaningful)

When is your happiest moment? 

I couldn't think of the happiest because I got too many happy things in life that made me happy. 

Happiness is when I read / watch anything about EXO. 

Happiness is when I can watch drama all day long. 

Happiness is when I can have long long talk with the closest one. 

Happiness is when I can go home and eat my mom's home-cooked-food. 

Happiness is when I can go travel with family / friends. 

Happiness is when I got myself new shirts. 

Happiness is when I got to eat nice food. 

Happiness is when I can read novels. 

Happiness is when........... 

Too many things that I can't list out. However, I think the happiest moment in these 2 years in college life, will be now, the last semester of my diploma life. 

The happiest and saddest moment in my life so far, can't deny both in my college life. Saddest moment was when I had problems with housemate & I ended up move out to stay on my own. But, without the pain, how can you feel the joy? 

Yea, my happiness start from when I started to stay alone. 

Last semester of college life has been real busy. LIKE VERY VERY SUPER DUPER EXTREMELY BUSY. But I am happy with it. I am happy that I am busy. I am happy with my busy life. 

I actually started to work part-time starting from this semester. I knew new people. New people that made me laughed, made me happy, brought me for nice food, being crazy with me. & lastly, let me discovered a new side of myself. Being really really crazy. I am happy, with this new group of people. :) 

Final project. Busy as hell. Conflicts happened. But that's what brought us closer to each other. Friendship got stronger & closer thou we are going to separate in like less than 2 months time, & all we left are memories. 

"Memories are the best thing a human have. Because even if the people changed, memories remained the same; never fade away."

If you ask me to talk about the saddest moment, so sorry, I can't. I truly believe that if you don't want to remember something, you won't remember. That's true, I can't remember the details of the saddest thing, because I choose to forget and I forgot. (Part of the way to be happy) 

So..... when is your happiest // saddest moment? 

爱我请留言.

终于把“爱我请留言”给看完了啦~ 

突然之间心血来潮很想把心里的感受写出来就在这个时间来 po 东西了. 在这个时间肚子饿真的很要命! xo

相信你们对于这部电视剧也不会觉得陌生，我可以说真的很好看! 虽然他的故事发展是有一点慢啦，但是每一次看都觉得很感触。

在这部剧里，有很多经典对白。每一句都说到心里去。

每个人都有一年是最苦的，最甜的，最要命的，最难过的，最难说的，但也是最难忘的，你的那一年是哪一年? 

对于20岁的我来说，如果要我说我的那一年是哪一年，那便会是 2013 年。

那一年，我19岁。

发生了很多事，让我成长了不少。 

可是，随着时间的过去，"那一年"是不是也会跟着改变?

信任就像一张纸，皱了，就算把它摊平也不会变回原本的样子。

信任和承诺是一对，它们才是天下无双。扔了它吧，扔了它一切可以重新开始。

如果没了信任，这个世界就不再需要承诺。

信任很重要，可是信任带来的伤害太大了。会不会被信任的人伤害了以后，以后就会害怕相信人了? 

X+Y+Z=坦白，每个人的XYZ都不一样。因为没有勇气，所以坦白不了；因为不诚实，所以要隐瞒；每个人总会有坦白不了的理由。

比起眼睛你最挂念谁 眼睛睁开身边竟是谁。

爱若难以放进手里 何不将这双手放进心里。

笑的最开心的人 其实他心里最苦 最想人家怜爱。 

总是觉得这句话，很适合我。

是不是因为自己让自己觉得心里很苦? 其实快乐很简单, 我却非要把自己弄得很苦。是自己犯贱吗? 说穿了，我只是想人家怜爱.

我遗失是你的笑容，你遗失的是我们两个一起的快乐。如果你的快乐再不是因为我，那我其实已经遗失你了。

如果爱情永远都敌不过时间，抵受不了平淡，那下一个也会这样，永远都留不住幸福。

Jack这不已经牵着Rose一生了，原来有的，真的有人会永远陪着另一个人的。

每个人心里都有一袋垃圾，有垃圾，就要倒掉。倒掉了，心就好过了。

我的心里很多垃圾，我在努力的一点一点倒掉。原来，倒掉了，很多事情都可以想通。不再那么纠结了。原来真的只是需要把垃圾倒掉，就会觉得好多了。

见唔到，都系陪着。

但系，见唔到，陪唔到，我唔会开心。 

觉得这句话很贴切。当年的我，就是因为‘见唔到，陪唔到，唔开心’，而放弃了一个很爱我的人。

每个人都有追求幸福的权利。只要勇敢，就可以揾到。

咁... 我几时先可以搵到我個嗰‘输入中’？ 几时先搵到我嘅‘天下无双’？我嘅‘李大仁’？我嗰碗‘茄牛通’？我個位‘乐先生’？几时先有個人可以被我扭计啊？

好想有個人可以永远陪着我，帮我倒垃圾.

xoxo

First page of 2014.

HAPPY NEW YEAR ! 

Well, I am writing this post because I think I should at least post something on this day. It has nothing to do with my blog thou I know. Hahaha. Just being lame. Ignore me. 

In 2013, many things have happened on me, to the people around me. It wasn't a good year or should I call it worst if compare to the previous? But I guess every end of the year, we all said it was bad. I know right, human. Lol. 

I personally think that 2013 is the year that I finally grown up. What I really mean is growing up, mentally. 

1. I learn how to care less (like finally). If you know me well, you should probably know how much I care about everything. Now, I know how to care less. I admit I am being selfish, because I need to protect myself. You can call me selfish I don't mind, because I am, I really am. If you are good to me, of course I will treat you the same or even better. If I found that you are just using me, sorry you mean nothing now. 

2. I know who are my true friends. I really know it this time. As we are growing up and no longer the girls in pinafore, we are separated into different places and enter to different phase of our life. If our friendships are strong enough, distance means nothing and I believe that. :) 

There might be arguments between us, but I believe that arguments will only make our friendship stronger and stronger. 

I can say, I have arguments with my friends,the closest one but in the end of the day, we are okay. & that what makes our friendship stronger. I know the bond between us is unbreakable. 

This time, I really learn who are my true friends. 

It might seems less to have only 2 things that I learnt (mentally / psychologically) this year, but it means a lot to me. It really does. With these two, I learnt how to deal with haters. I know how to not care what people talk about me and live my own life. I learn how to make myself happy. Its the biggest achievement I've got. & I am proud of myself. :) 

I think the most happening incident in 2013 will be Phantom Fest organized by my college mates & me. It was the most happening & successful event in 2013. You can read the post here: Phantom Fest by PR Students of Han Chiang College. 

This post is specially for the closest one in my life. You know who you are. :) 

There is it. Ciao ~ 

xoxo       

Sadness. Emotionless.

It's been a while since I last updated my blog. Before I update about myself. I'm gonna talk about some thought of mine after last night drink-drank-drunk section with my brothers.

I am a girl that can't hide my feelings, especially sadness. All these while, I used to spill everything to my best friends whenever shits happened. But now, I don't do the same anymore. I don't tell much people, or some time I don't tell at all. Because I don't know how to tell. Last night, my brothers forced me to admit I am sad. Lollll. Feel so warm thou 'cause they feel the emotional of mine. 

I am the type of girl that will be very very sad over things even it's small matter. Shit happened again in the past few days, amazingly, I only feel sad the moment when it happened. When I woke up the next day, I feel fine. Just so fine like nothing has happened before. It feels weird, but I am cool with it. And it's just like no one ever realize something happened to me, I guess I am too good in hiding already. Lolll.

So, can someone define sad? All I know now is, I think I have reached a sad level that I don't feel the sadness anymore. Is this consider sad? Hahaha. I think so. When someone is sad but can't cry, the person is really really sad. Heard this from drama and I feel so trueee. Because I am at this level already, I think I am.

I have been sad for a long time. When did I feel really happy all these while? Totally no idea. Because the sadness has covered up all the happiness I feel. Showing people that I am happy, but who really knows what I feel inside? It's killing me I think my heart died already.

So here I am telling you people out there: I am officially turning off my emotion from now on. Just like what Elena Gilbert did when she felt like tearing herself into pieces when Jeremy died. I have to be emotionless in order to protect myself. Don't blame me nor judge me, you have no idea what I have gone through.

So hello, to the new me. Hello, TungKaiYee. You're gonna feel alive again, very soon. :)

Life is a bitch.

I have always heard people say life is a bitch. And true. It definitely is. 

For my life, I don't know why. My life has always been a bitch. Bringing pain to me all the time. I don't really have relationship problems, you know what, because I rarely in a relationship. Lollll. Super no fate with guys.  :(( So, why my life is a bitch? People who are close enough to me would know. Yea, it's friendship. 

Since high-school, I have always been facing friendship problems. Again & again. Perhaps it's my problem. No one is perfect, I am not perfect. However, I able to get through it. If you know who I mean. :P But this hasn't comes to an end. Maybe things are different from now. Yea, I have to admit, it's different. And yes, shits happened again. 

Another phase of life. The people I met getting elder as my age is increasing too. I think people just getting more and more complicated. :/ Maybe it's because as people are growing up, the things they have been through getting more and more. That's why everyone tend to be complicated and trying just to protect themselves. Because I think I am this kind of people. 

I used to keep everything in my heart every time I realized there's something wrong. I am a very sensitive person, everyone around me knows it. I always keep things in my heart. I made changes to myself, I asked for the truth. But it's not gonna change anything. Shit still happened. I am actually regret for asking and brought so much tears to myself. Never mind, what is past is past. Since it has already happened, I don't have time machine, I can't go back anymore. 

At least now I know what's worth it, what's not. If it is meant to be okay, it eventually will. If it doesn't, just let it be. I don't want to struggle on it so much anymore. I am tired. Really tired of caring so much. I really really really have to learn to care less. Or just whatever, I don't want care anything anymore. Caring too much is too tiring. I need to relax myself. 

Life is gonna be more and more bitchy in the future and I need to be stronger. I know I can. 

STAY STRONG , TUNGKAIYEE.  

I seriously find it so true. 

I am always missing my high-school friends. They are really really really the best things I ever had. I can tell them whatever happened to me, whatever I want to say. Just be myself, how I want myself to be. That feels just great. I have always been saying this : I can't thank you them enough for being there for me all the time. I mean this, truly from my heart. :)

Quote of the day : 

Life is a bitch. So be more bitchy than it to survive. 

人与人之间的相处.

这应该是我第一次用华语来写 blog 吧. 说真的, 华语退步了 TT
今天上了一堂 Mandarin Pronunciation 的课, 很怀念以前小学上华语课的时候. 数一数, 都有6年没有再读华语了. 是时候增强一下了. 哈哈.

回到今天的话题, 人与人之间的相处. 先说说我是一个怎样的人. 我是巨蟹座的, 当然很典型的那种. 巨蟹座的性格我都有.

【巨蟹座】
1、喜欢装坚强，装冷酷，让人捉摸不透。
2、隐藏悲伤。却希望别人安慰他、给他安全感。
3、爱幻想。希望有人懂他、爱他、能给他所想要的。
4、浪漫体贴。细心关爱自己爱的人。
5、外表孩子气，内心却很成熟。
6、害怕被忽略，对人关心也不表露出来。
7、内心藏着无数秘密，只和最亲密的人分享。
8、慢热。陌生人面前十分文静。遇见开心的事会说个不停，不开心会躲起来哭。
9、情绪化。爱撒娇，超级黏人。喜欢赖床。

没错, 这就是我.

最近在身上发生的事情, 让我不得不想. 是我跟人相处有问题? 还是我自己很有问题? 我不知道. 我真的很想知道, 如果关心 = 烦 的话, 那为什么还要关心别人? 不关心, 你会失去那个人. 太关心, 反而觉得你很烦. 人嘛, 就是那么的犯贱. 其实你到底想怎样你知道吗?
道歉真的那么难吗? 如果说,那个人真的重要, 我愿意道歉. 但是有时候, 根本没有做错事情, 为什么要道歉? 要为了太关心一个人而道歉? 对不起, 我做不到.


从网络看到一篇文章: 人与人相处之道. 如果能做到的话, 必能受益无穷.

一、你好我壞。
二、你對我錯。
三、你大我小。
四、你有我無。

说时容易, 做时难.

今天就简短的更新一下吧!
晚安!

xoxo

Changes; March's Baby Girls.

People always have complain. Complain about this and that. It's normal right. People judge too. Judging seems to be a very normal things among girls, boys as well. Lol. When girls gather together, they gossip, of course it is also considered judging. I judge too. Hahaha. 

Don't go too far, back to my topic - Changes. 

"Time flies, people changed." 

It seems to be a very famous line to everyone. Maybe everyone will at least say this line once in their life time. Yea, people change. And then, we started to have comment about the "changes" of the people around us. 

I've been complaining about something to my best friends for quite a long time. Recently, I started to think. "Changes" might not a bad thing. But, when I can't stand the changes I think I am going to explode when being so tolerating. I don't know whether is the changes a good one or bad one. I got no right to judge about it. So yea. 

I am wondering. We complaint about the "changes" of others, is it because the "changes" is really a bad changes or because we can't accept the changes. So we judge about it. I seriously no idea. It just feels like, you've known that person for very long time, but it suddenly turns out to be a person that you don't know anymore. Is it because you have never try to understand that person? Or you can't accept the "changes" he/she has made to himself/herself?

I don't know, seriously. 

Maybe I'll figure it out sometimes, maybe I forever won't. I don't know. Hahaha. 

I am wondering what changes I have made to myself? I hope to get the answer from someone I have known for years. Maybe I'll ask them when I free. hahaha. I am always lazy. Lol. 

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Well, the changes that very obvious I have made recently will be - BRACES! Yes, I finally got myself braces after 3 years. Lol. Due to a lot of problems laa. I have not been biting for almost 2 weeks already since I pulled 4 teeth. TT So sad. I miss biting. It's so torture when you see / smell nice food but YOU CAN'T EAT. 

Hoping that my teeth get well soon so that I can bite. I got a whole lists of food that I want to eat. Hahahha. Yes, eating is one of my hobby. Hahaha. 

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Not to forget, in this last post of March. 

Wishing all the 3 March's baby girls Happy 19th Birthday. :3 

Firstly is Ngai Ching, whose birthday falls on 5th March. We have the same day but different month of birthday. Hahaha. 

TVB dramas brought us closer together as we used to talk about TVB dramas in class last time. Both of us are huge fans of TVB. Hahaha. 

Though we are not in the same school / country now, but I hope our friendship never ends. Love you lots. :D 

My favorite girl - Chingy. 

Second, the Bat Po Pei Hua whose birthday falls on 12th March. 

Knew this bat po for more than 12 years already, since 6 years old. Hahaha. We're that close that we can tell each other everything. Every gossip. Scold people we hate together. So bitchy. Hahaha. That's why we're each other's batpo. Lol. 

We're even further from each other now, we used to be so close where we live just in the same area. But now our distance are from Kuala Lumpur to Penang, 5 hours of journey only can reach each other. Aiya never mind la. It won't affect our friendship still. Hahaha.
Anyway, I hope you like the present I got you. ;) 

The BatPo PeiHua. 

The last one will be my college mate, Chia Chie :3 She's 15th March baby. 

Know her not even one year. Hahaha. But she's one of my best friend in college. All I remember what brought us closer will be Basic News class and we did group assignment together. And the sleep over at her house. :3 

College mates call her Violent Flower but she's not that violence la just a lil bit fierce lo. Hahaha. Still okay to me. Because I am like the same with my girlfriends too. Ohh, not to forget. She's a huge fans of Sin Chan. I was like, why will she likes Sin Chan at first? But when I get to know her better, I think it's probably not a problem to like Sin Chan and Sin Chan is quite cute too, sometimes. Hahaha. We both know one of the song of Sin Chan. Hahahaha. 

Please wait patiently for your birthday card !

Girlfriend in college - Chia Chie. :) 

Alright, here ends my post of today.

Au Revoir March ! 
Bonjour April ! :D

xoxo

Mind, can you rest?

Dear Mind, aren't you tired? It is like every day, every hour, every minute, every second, you don't tend to stop thinking. Think something bad, negative. Don't you know that this will be very tired? Tired, yet hurtful.

What I hate about myself most: over thinking. Over thinking just will ruined things. Keep thinking will just bring to the negative side, I know how negative thinking I have. Ended up I am just the only one who suffers the most. Because I think a lot, but I don't talk much. No one actually knows what is happening with me.

Dear Mind, can you please rest? Don't think so much anymore okay? I'll voice it out, soon. Because this really killing me. I can't take this anymore. Hiding, hiding and hiding. I don't know when am I gonna burst. Can you like think something positive?

Always the worst thing for me.