Lately been reading so many posts of letters to the ex-friends. It brought me so much memories and thoughts that made me feel like writing this post.
There have been so many people came and left in my life. I used to feel so bad whenever someone leave my life. I will feel so sad and I can't get over it for so so so long time, months or years. But now, I finally understand the fact that, no one will actually stay in your life forever. By forever I mean until the day I die.
Dear Ex-Friends,
We don't talk to each other anymore or not so often, but I am glad that we were once so close to each other. I am very annoying kind of people, I will talk about the same thing over and over again until I finally get over it. Thank you for listening to all my annoying stories. Thank you for listening to me crying over the same thing again and again.
Most of all, thank you for all the happy memories. Thank you for all the awesome time spent together. You have been a big part in my life.
I was scrolling back at the pictures in my laptop while I was trying to tidied up the files inside. So so so many pictures with so many different people. (I am seriously good at keeping pictures. Trust me, I even have pictures taken during secondary school.) & Facebook memories made me looked back at so many little things that I have forgot. Then, I realized, I've lost so many people along the way.
Some people, I understand that we no longer keep in touch because of the distance, the people we mix around - our circle is not the same anymore. Some we are still friends in Facebook, some is not. Perhaps, our fate is just until there. I am glad we met thou. :)
Some people, perhaps it's just me that didn't put enough effort to keep the friendship. Look at how far we’ve come since those younger carefree days. The real question is, how did we end up here? How did we go from being best friends to practically strangers?
If you have know me long enough, you will know that I will always run away from the problems. I wouldn't dare to face it and all I know is cry. If I ever confront you what's wrong between us, congratulations you are really very important to me. If I have tried once, and it still didn't work out, then I guess that's all I can do. I am not brave enough to do it the second time. I am not strong like you think I am, I am not.
Some people might think that I have changed. I don't cry so much over things anymore. I seem like I don't care about the friendship, the people anymore. Maybe you are right, I've changed, to become stronger. I've learnt not to show my weakness to others, don't cry in front of people anymore. I have to not care about so much things so I wouldn't feel so bad everything when things happened. I just want to live my live happily. Because I know I can no one will always be there to catch me if I am not strong enough. Because I've grown up, I know how the society looks like.
Actually not. I still care, I just don't show it. Whenever I saw pictures of you going out together and I am not invited, I feel so sad deep inside. Thinking, why things turn out to be like this? I should be in the picture smiling & laughing with all of you, but I am left here shedding tears in my blanket. I swallow up and tell myself it's okay. Let it go. However, some days when I feel really bad, I will tell my boyf about it and cry in his arms.
I read this from Facebook, and it just match with my feelings:
Now your life is foreign to me. I no longer know what’s going on in it, and I wish things were different. But life happened. We drifted apart without really realizing, and now the gap may be just too big to bridge. Given the chance, I’d love to have you back in my life; I miss being around you. Unfortunately, we’re both so busy and living such different lives, that I don’t know if this is a reality anymore.
I want you to know that I am still here for you. It does not matter how much time and distance is between us or how much further apart we may drift, I will always be here for you. If you need me, I’m never more than a phone call away. I once considered you one of my closest friends, and that still means something to me. Life may have separated us, but I still care about you more than you may know. If the day ever comes that you find yourself struggling, I hope you reach out to me. You will always matter to me, no matter where life takes us.
I hope wherever you are in your life, you’re happy. I look at your Facebook photos and your Snapchat videos and hear stories from other friends, and I can tell you are doing amazing things with your life and being the person you were born to be. I hope you’re proud of everything you’ve accomplished so far, because I know I am. Even though our lives don’t overlap anymore, I’m sure you’ve had your share of struggles and successes. You've made tough choices and did what you had to do and you should be proud of everything you’ve done with your life.
To all the friends I have lost along the way, this is me saying goodbye.
I sincerely hope that, we can go back to how we used to be.
Till then,
xx
❄
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